2019-2020 Hockey Pool – LET’S GO!!!

OK, let’s get this thing started. ‘Twas the night before Waiver, and I haven’t done the Fall Draft Report yet. I haven’t even bothered to write up the summer golfing outing and presentation of the Trophies and Coveted Green Jacket. I haven’t even bothered to gloat about winning again last year! That’s right, I won again last year: Back-to-back ‘ships! This year, going for the unprecedented back-to-back-to-back boats!! Winnin’ a Paddle Steamer, boys!!! (Letterkenny fans? No? Check it out – Mark Forward is a comic genius.)

Of course I’ve been in last place for most of this year, but it’s early, and I have yet to work my managerial magic in bartering with the other GM’s. Oh, except for that one trade that I am winning by fourteen points.

But enough gloating – for now. And I promise I will eventually post photos and so on about the draft and golfing. The pressing matter at hand is the upcoming waiver draft, which goes on Grey Cup Sunday (tomorrow) (November 24) (Bake a cake! Get together with Your Friends! Live it up! It’s going to be a long winter!).

First things first: The Pool this year is called “My Best Friend’s Girl’s Hockey Pool”, in honour of the late Ric Ocasek of The Cars. Our slogan: “Let them brush your rock ‘n’ roll hair.” Second things second: The Standings. The standings below are as of right now (Tea Time Saturday). The actual waiver draft will be conducted in reverse order of the standings as of tomorrow morning, and will take into account the flurry of last-minute trades that will flood in overnight.

Aha! As you can plainly see, I am NOT in last place, despite the slanderous rumours. As I often say, “Thank God for Jeffrey!” But I admit that I am, shockingly, in ninth place, unless some sort of horrible mistake has been made, like drafting Derek Stepan. Even more shocking is who is in first place: the Malega Lake “Amenaya” (that means “Without”). The Withouts have never won a single boat in over thirty years of “trying” as far as I can recall. The lead is not safe, but their early-season success has rendered them impotent to conduct trade talks. Apparently Methot thinks he can just coast through the season. Hey, it worked in real life.

But the standings are pretty close this year. Every little edge will help, so it’s surprising that most owners have not yet made a trade, and thus they will only have one waiver pick tomorrow. Scientific studies* show that it’s a good idea to burn two picks in the first waiver draft if you can [*Rockhead, Joe; and Slate, Mr.: “Comparative Statistical Analysis of Early Versus Late Picks,” Journal of Quarry Management, Vol. XIV, No. 3, pp 37-52.]

Their have been a couple of trades so far. I traded Little Johnny Hockey to Bill’s Minsk squad for Nathan MacKinnon before the season even started, and I am winning that one by fourteen points, as I mentioned. And just today I traded the great Mathew Barzal to Paul’s Vegans for the good Sebastian Aho (not that he’s not great, it’s just to differentiate him from the bad Sebastian Aho, who occasionally plays defense for the Islanders). Paul is up three points, but more importantly Paul and Bill and I have the right to make two waiver picks tomorrow if we wish, while all the other losers have no such right. Unless they make a trade tonight.

So who’s available? Feast your eyes!!

Some good little hockey players!! So let me know who you want to dump from your pathetic roster (one or two players, but you can only do two if you’ve made at least one trade), and which of the above players you’d like to draft, in order. You need about 15-20 players on your draft list. Or you can just ask me to draft the next highest point total available. It’s OK, I understand laziness. Really.

I should have the results by Monday. If not, it may be in the new year. I’m getting a little busy.