Newsletters, etc. from the Archives
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Eight Battered Bovines, 1995-1996:
BATTERED BOVINE BANTER
Well, it was quite a memorable year for the hockey pool, and for once the good guys won. But in all false modesty I have to say that the key to the Turks’ success was picking a list to slavishly copy that no one else had access to, and then having an unbelievable amount of sheer dumb luck. (I think luck is the key to winning the pool.) . . . A good battle for third place and the Solar Bears get the coveted first pick next year, but who will they take? I think Jagr may be the early favorite since he rarely misses any games. . . . How often does a last-round pick get 87 points? Zigmund Palffy did it this year and he will probably move up about 16 rounds next season. Best name in the league, too. . . . Once again we underestimated Adam Oates. Drafted sixteenth, he outscored 7 of the fifteen players chosen ahead of him. But he will be thirty-five next year, and he doesn’t shoot enough, and he doesn’t have good linemates, so I’d shy away from him if I were you. . . . I’ve heard a lot of talk that Messier should win the Hart trophy. People wouldn’t say that if it was Gretzky who outscored him by 62 points while playing fewer games. Lemieux should win it easily. Remember that most people picked Pittsburgh to drop in the standings this year, yet they almost won the Conference, finishing ahead of the Rangers, who were supposed to be a far superior team. Maybe if Jagr’s stats hadn’t been so good people would be more willing to give Lemieux his due. But when Jagr won the scoring race last year (when Lemieux didn’t play) his points projected to 119. I think it’s obvious that Lemieux’s presence boosted Jagr’s points total by at least 25 points (same for Ron Francis), not only directly by their play togther on the power play, but also indirectly by drawing off checkers from the Jagr line. Lemieux is the best and the most valuable player and he should win the Hart. . . . Should be a good World Cup this fall. Canada will win it. . . .
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1996 PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS
by Bob “Nostradamus” Lefebvre
The time has come for all good men to submit their fearless playoff predictions. But I want to make some, too. So here are my prognostications, guaranteed to be almost as accurate as picking the teams at random, and twice as accurate as Gayton’s short irons. In most recent seasons about half of the top teams have gone out in the first round, but this year I think you will see at least four of the top five favorites (Detroit, Colorado, Flyers, Penguins, Rangers) advance, and four of these will be in the final four. This is because the other playoff teams all suck, whereas of the five contenders only Pittsburgh has a major flaw, and Detroit has no flaws.
CAMPBELL CONFERENCE
DETROIT vs. WINNIPEG – Many people are tempted to call for the big upset here. Those people should be shot and pissed upon. Their thinking, if you can call it that, is that Winnipeg will get hot goaltending, or Detroit will choke, or that even that “Anything can happen in battling tops.” I just can’t see the Wings losing yet. They are just too strong and too good defensively. I will say right now that the only way they won’t win the cup is if the go up against a strong finalist, say Philadelphia, and they have some significant injuries at the same time. Unlikely. Detroit in 5.
COLORADO vs. VANCOUVER – Early in the season I thought that Colorado was the best team I had seen. They haven’t been quite as strong in the second half, but still are a very good team. They cannot lose to a team with no visible means of defense. Claude Lemieux will shut down Mogilny, who is Vancouver’s only real threat these days. Colorado in 5.
CHICAGO vs. CALGARY – Will this be the year that Calgary finally wins a playoff series? Well, it’s possible against Chicago (it would have been impossible against either Detroit or Colorado) but it’s unlikely. True, the Hawks may be without Roenick, but the Flames will be without Roberts. If the Flames play the way they did from December to January they’ll be all right. But they have really shown some bad habits lately, and they don’t have much talent. Chicago in 6.
TORONTO vs. ST. LOUIS – Lots of analysts long to see the Blues fail, and many short ones do too. The ‘94 Rangers remain the only team ever to buy the Cup, and that won’t change this year. But the Blues could win the first round. Brett Hull is a great playoff producer and so, of course, is Gretzky, who led all playoff scorers with 40 points only three years ago. This should be an evenly matched series. Both teams are veteran-heavy and have solid goaltending. Right now the Leafs seem to have adjusted to their roster changes better than the Blues have, and that could be the difference. Toronto in 7.
PHILADELPHIA vs. TAMPA BAY – If the Devils had made the playoffs they would have been more of a threat to knock off the Flyers in the first round. I’m glad to see the Bolts in, but they are here for a short time, not a good time. Philly is peaking (Phil!! Stop peaking around corners!) and will physically dominate. Tampa’s best offensive players are small. Flyers made great trades for Hawerchuck and Falloon, and although their defense isn’t the best, it is good enough. Philadelphia in 5.
PITTSBURGH vs. WASHINGTON – A lot of people are going to pick the Caps. They are good enough defensively and in goal to give Pittsburgh fits, but I think the Penguins are going to surprise people with their defensive play. They are going to be tired of losing to inferior teams. Offensively, the presence of Lemieux will be the difference, especially since it gives the Jagr line more room. Pittsburgh in 7.
NEW YORK RANGERS vs. MONTREAL – Until about February the Rangers looked to be one of the three best teams. Despite their recent problems they are still a threat to win it all, but only if Messier is healthy. I think they can beat Montreal even without Messier. Montreal has lots of good forwards but are weak defensively. They will need great goaltending to extend this series to the limit. Rangers in 6.
FLORIDA vs. BOSTON – Another evenly matched series. Florida is a good home-ice team so I like their chances, but I think the Bruins will prevail. This won’t be the most exciting hockey played. Boston in 7.
OVERVIEW – I’m picking Detroit to win, and I think they will face the Flyers. My third pick is the Rangers, and Pittsburgh could be dangerous if they win the first round and get rolling. I can’t see anyone other than Detroit winning the West, and even if Colorado or Chicago somehow goes to the final, they won’t win it.
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Night of the Lepus, 1996-1997:
Rabbit Droppings – By Earl Warren (GG)
A couple of the boys were whooping it up at the Malamute Saloon; and we came up with a new way to perk up our sagging hockey pool. Rather than draft players, auction them off in random order. Give everyone 10,000 rupees and we can all bid on the same 184 players. Names of players are drawn out of a hat. We realize it’s more time-consuming than the old system, but it’s also more skill-testing.
Mark and I are also talking about having a playoff auction pool for this year’s playoffs, so we can get the bugs out of this new system. If anyone’s interested, call Mark any time of the day or night, doesn’t even matter if you’re drunk. The season ends April 12-13, so we could do it that weekend.
Trade Winds
It only took the amazing Canucks two years to realize they had three natural scoring right wingers, (four if you count Linden) and not enough ice time for all three. But they still won the trade with the Rangers, Nemchinov fills a big hole at centre they had, and Tikkanen is all washed up. Speaking of all washed up, look for Pivonka to be traded before Tuesday’s deadline, he’s spare parts now.
The Rangers will go out in the first round of playoffs, Gretzky and Messier will show their age. Washington will make the playoffs, Montreal and Tampa Bay will not. There will be big media whining in Montreal, and Houle will make more panic-stricken big deals over the summer which will get them deeper into the hole. Other managers love it when you’re panic-stricken.
Detroit will make a trade to get some toughness, possibly trading skilled smurf Kozlov. Don’t be surprised if they trade the overrated Federov, who has become a complacent middle-level star with no fire in his belly. I could see Federov going to Toronto for Clark, Muller, and Macoun; or to the Islanders for Smolinski, Bertuzzi, and McCabe.
Edmonton will go out in the first round of the playoffs, (if they make it). They’re terrible defensively and depend on Curtis Joseph to bail them out of every game. Plus they have the stupid Mironov. If you’re considering a dark horse candidate for the playoffs, give a thought to the Coyotes. Roenick and Tkachuk might be motivated to have good playoffs to compensate for poor regular seasons, and Khabibulin has the talent to be the Palmateer of the 90’s, stealing a whole series by himself.
Kudos
Thanks to Bob for the thoughtful articles, which sat on my desk for far too long. Thanks to Jeff for not participating in the waiver draft, add three good players to the Banff Bruin line-up and they would have been competing for the championship.
The big winner in March has been the aging process. Methot, Gayton, Casey, and Wityshyn all turn 38 this month. Think of these doddering old farts next time you pass the Centrum Silver counter at the drugstore.
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GUEST EDITORIAL – WHAT’S WRONG WITH HOCKEY, AND HOW TO FIX IT.
By Bob “Nostradamus” Lefebvre
I had a full and interesting day of watching hockey one Saturday last month. It was the day of the World Junior Championship final between Canada and the U.S. I don’t have cable, so I at 11 a.m. sharp I was at the bar to watch the game. I don’t know what I expected (I hadn’t seen any of the previous games) but what I saw was pretty lousy hockey. The game was exciting enough because it was a close score and there was a lot at stake. The players were very good — big and strong, worked hard all the time, and could skate miles. But there was very little offensive creativity out there. You rarely saw a good sequence of passes of a forward beating a defenceman one-on one. No one stood out as a future NHL star, except perhaps the goaltenders, who were very good. I think what was wrong was that there was no room on the ice. The players were so big and fast that there was no open ice to work with.
Later that afternoon I tuned in to Hockey Night in Canada. I don’t even remember who was playing — it was either the Leafs or Montreal against some other mediocre club. As usual, the big challenge for the viewer is to see if you can stay awake through the first period to when Don Cherry comes on. It was a close-checking game (i.e., clutch-and-grab), and in any case there were only two or three players on each team who could put the puck in the ocean off a short wharf. Not only was there a lack of creative offensive talent, but the rules, or the way they were being enforced, prevented the best players from succeeding.
This is such a familiar complaint now that it is getting tedious. The question is, what can be done about it? One obvious solution, to change the way the rules are enforced in order to reduce clutching and grabbing, has been shown to be impractical. People say that the League or the referees simply lost the nerve to continue calling all the impeding fouls, but the fact is that it is a very difficult thing to do. The problem is that the physical size of the players and the rink militate against it. The players are big and strong and that won’t change. The refs could call the game differently, but there would still be a powerful incentive, especially among the weaker teams, to hold and impede the opposition as much as they could possibly get away with. A six-foot-three defenceman can cut off a lot of ice while saying within the rules.
Furthermore such rule changes would do nothing to stop the neutral-zone trap and other defensive systems, which work perfectly fine even if you play completely clean hockey, as long as the ice is small and the players big. The only way to eliminate the trap is to change the physical constraints of the situation.
I used to argue, as did many others, that the NHL should switch to Olympic-sized ice. The extra room makes the trap almost impossible. However, I feel that it is now too late to do this because there have been so many new regular-sized rinks built in the last few years. They should have stipulated, ten years ago, that any new rinks be expandable to Olympic size. But they didn’t, and it is now too late.
After watching some of HNiC that day, I left because I had to play a game myself later that night. The U of C Dinosaurs were playing a game in the rink next to ours, so I left a little early to catch the third period. Since they play on Olympic-size ice I had a chance to see what effect the big ice could have. In addition, the average University player is quite a bit smaller than an NHL player, and finally, they play with no centre line. Now this is great hockey to watch. It is tough and fast-paced but also wide open. There is lots of great passing, skating, and shooting.
(Sitting in front of me at this game were two minor hockey coaches. They were talking about the quality of the hockey, and I couldn’t help overhearing them because I was eavesdropping. One coach said that he had been to a WHL Junior A game (Calgary Hitmen) earlier that week, and that the University hockey was far superior. He said the Juniors are big and strong and all they do is hit, clutch, and grab. The game is slow and boring, whereas Dino hockey is fast and exciting, the way hockey was meant to be.)
I agree with that, and I am convinced that the main reason is that there is more space on the ice. But if reffing the game differently isn’t the answer, and if we can’t make the ice bigger, what is to be done? I was thinking about this when I left to play for my rec hockey team, where, suddenly, I received absolutely no further insight into the game of hockey.
But somehow over the next few days I came up with the perfect solution. The way to make the ice effectively bigger when the players are so big is to reduce the number of players on the ice. I think the NHL should plan to switch from 5-on-5 hockey to 4-on-4 as the normal even-strength situation. Instead of a forward line of three players, “lines” would have two players. This would free up a lot of room, and, I am convinced, lead to much more creative play. Defenders would have to join in the play constantly since two forwards are at a disadvantage against two defenders. The team with the puck would routinely leave one defender back (no third forward to cover the rushing point man), leaving themselves open to counter-attacks. I see a fast-paced, high-scoring brand of hockey resulting from this change.
I foresee two main objections, a practical one and a stupid one. As a practical consideration, it is difficult to see the player’s union ever accepting a change like this, which would automatically eliminate many jobs. If you have four lines now, four forward jobs per team will be lost, and that is over one hundred NHL jobs (plus presumably hundreds more at other levels). Never mind that it would be the one hundred slowest, least creative players who would go; it is still a valid concern for the players.
Luckily, I have another elegant solution. The NHL is planning to expand again, despite the fact that there are about twenty lousy teams in the league right now. I have heard some people claim that yes, it’s OK to expand because there are lots of good skilled players available in the minors. This is true, but unless the league makes the change to 4-on-4 hockey, that’s exactly where these skilled players will stay, because all the jobs will taken by hulking clutch-and-grabbers. The key is to tie expansion to the switch to 4-on-4. Go ahead and expand by four teams, but at the same time switch to 4-on-4 hockey. Every existing team would reduce their roster from 20 players to 16, and this would free up over one hundred players for the expansion draft, which is enough to stock the new teams. (As an added bonus, team payrolls drop by the price of four contracts.) The players are happy, the owners are happy, the league gets to expand, and most of all, the fans are happy because the quality of the game improves greatly. I foresee a trial period during which teams still try to use clutch-and-grab defensive tactics, but it won’t take too long before the logic of the new situation forces teams to open up, and eliminates the big, slow unskilled player from the game.
Of course this is a major change in the game and a radical departure from tradition. (This is the stupid objection.) It would be hard to compare personal statistics from before and after such a change. But the game is always changing, and even now it is impossible to compare the game of the 1940’s to today’s game. Are we willing to put up with watching decades of boring hockey just because “that’s the way the game has always been played”? Let’s make this change now, as soon as possible, and start seeing some great hockey again.
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Two Breakfasses of Champions, 2007-2008:
| Team | D | Wk | Mo | Total | Ij | Pt | Talk | |
| 1st | Solar Bears (Mark) | 5 | 11 | 130 | 131 | . | 12 | None |
| 2nd | Walking Birds (Bob) | 4 | 15 | 123 | 128 | 2 | 14 | None |
| 3rd | Uzbeks (Bill) | 2 | 8 | 107 | 110 | 1 | 18 | None |
| 4th | Flying Dutchmen (Ro) | 2 | 20 | 97 | 98 | . | 11 | None |
| 5th | Aardvarks (Greg) | 5 | 17 | 90 | 94 | . | 12 | None |
| 6th | Vegans (Paul) | 9 | 17 | 90 | 93 | 1 | 9 | None |
| 7th | Bay Of Pigs (Jeff) | 7 | 14 | 85 | 85 | 2 | 13 | None |
| 8th | Milt Stegalls (Phil M) | 3 | 9 | 71 | 71 | 1 | 13 | None |
| 9th | Albinos (Pat) | 1 | 4 | 59 | 60 | 4 | 13 | None |
The Official Newsletter of Two Breakfasses of Champions Hockey Pool, 2007-2008
Volume 7, Number 1
December 6, 2007
OUR SLOGAN: “Someday You Will Die Somehow and Someone’s Gonna Steal Your Carbon.”
WAIVER CARNAGE!
After much delay and consternation and apathy and anticipation and many other emotions, the waiver draft was finally completed some time last week; I forget when. I think I did it right, anyway. There was one big trade and one minor trade; it was the same trade. Greg was desperate to move up, Methot was desperate to move down, and everyone else longed to be left alone, so a trade was worked out: Greg got two players (Bergeron and Pitkanen) and gave Phil two other players (to be named almost immediately: Hartnell and Weight). Then Greg got to pick second in the first round of the draft, and Phil third. Inexplicably, Greg then dropped Bergeron, the only good little player of the four, in the waiver, and picked up Matt Cullen. It’s like he’s trying to lose.
THE DRAFT: Drop Pick
- Pat (round 23 pick) Cajanek (0 points) M. Richards (26 points)
- Greg (5) Bergeron (7) M. Cullen (24)
- Phil M (18) Calder (7) P. Sharp (17)
- Ro (21) Modin (2) Antropov (20)
- Bill (21) Poti (7) J. Williams (18)
- Jeff (22) S. Walker (3) P. Ranger (16)
- Bob (20) Bieksa (4) Spacek (10)
- Paul PASS
- Mark (22) Steen (11) Zednik (12)
Round 2:
- Pat (22) Bergenheim (5) Belanger (16)
- Phil M. PASS
- Greg (22) Hlinka (4) Hudler (12)
- Ro PASS
- Bill PASS
- Jeff (23) Perrault (5) Jovonovski (15)
- Bob PASS
- Paul PASS
- Mark PASS
Please Note: The following owners only get one pick in the second waiver draft: Pat, Greg, Jeff, Homer. That is all.
THE DAMAGE DONE:
Standings before waiver:
| Team | D | Wk | Mo | Total | Ij | Pt | Talk | |
| 1st | Vegans | 14 | 43 | 226 | 398 | 1 | 19 | None |
| 2nd | Solar Bears | 6 | 29 | 193 | 396 | 2 | 19 | None |
| 3rd | Walking Birds | 4 | 26 | 159 | 373 | 3 | 18 | None |
| 4th | Uzbeks | 4 | 33 | 193 | 369 | 1 | 18 | None |
| 5th | Bay Of Pigs | 12 | 26 | 204 | 366 | 2 | 15 | None |
| 6th | Flying Dutchmen | 11 | 25 | 165 | 339 | 3 | 15 | None |
| 7th | Aardvarks | 1 | 25 | 178 | 325 | 1 | 16 | Tue |
| 8th | Milt Stegalls | 9 | 25 | 168 | 299 | . | 16 | Wed |
| 9th | Albinos | 7 | 24 | 145 | 273 | 2 | 18 | None |
After:
| Team | D | Wk | Mo | Total | Ij | Pt | Talk | |
| 1st | Vegans | 14 | 43 | 226 | 398 | 1 | 19 | None |
| 2nd | Solar Bears | 6 | 29 | 198 | 397 | 2 | 19 | None |
| 3rd | Bay Of Pigs | 10 | 25 | 216 | 383 | 2 | 15 | None |
| 4th | Walking Birds | 4 | 28 | 162 | 379 | 2 | 19 | None |
| 5th | Uzbeks | 4 | 34 | 194 | 377 | 1 | 18 | None |
| 6th | Flying Dutchmen | 11 | 28 | 169 | 355 | 2 | 16 | None |
| 7th | Aardvarks | 2 | 28 | 195 | 349 | . | 17 | Tue |
| 8th | Milt Stegalls | 10 | 28 | 178 | 312 | . | 16 | Wed |
| 9th | Albinos | 8 | 29 | 167 | 311 | 2 | 17 | None |
…hard to argue with the four Hall of Fame inductees this year, but isn’t Mark Messier the most over-hyped athlete in the history of sports? I keep reading things like “the greatest leader in all of sports,” “top ten all-time hockey players,” “smartest man in universe,” etc. He wasn’t even in the top ten players of his own generation in my opinion. Ask Vancouver about his leadership. And don’t get me started on the “guaranteed win,” which never happened… to me, Glenn Anderson’s omission from the Hall sticks out like a sore thumb. I’ve read a few arguments against including him but they don’t hold water. True, he’s no Dick Duff, but how many of us are? To me, it comes down to some of Anderson’s off-ice problems. But so what if he was a multiple murderer and kept slaves?… What’s up with the Flyers? Where do they keep getting guys like Steve “Brain Death” Downey and Jesse “Partial-Birth Abortion” Boulerice?… I’m glad they’re changing the schedule again to bring in some different teams. No way we should have to watch the Flames 82 times a year just because we live here…. Speaking of the Hall of Fame, the arguments have already started about Eric Lindros. I say no. I know recently on “Corporal’s Corner” Don Cherry disagreed with me, so that should prove my point…. Trades so far: Bill is way ahead on Dumont for Semin, but whereas Dumont has only gone from 12 points at the time of the trade to 18 now, Semin has increased his scoring by 150%, from 2 to 3 points. If this keeps up I’ll win the trade easily. Also Semin is about to break out offensively. Paul is still 7 up on the Satan/Kunitz for Afinogenov and Vanek, but Buffalo is about to break out offensively. The Greg/Methot trade is much too boring to analyze…. Scott Neidermayer available in second waiver draft! And Selanne, too, if you want him….
NEXT ISSUE:
MORE WAIVER DRAFTS!
RINK RATS CARTOONS!
BILL: WHAT GIVES WITH THAT GUY??
AND MORE!
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If You Could Read My Hockey Pool 