Walking Birds Win Close Race!

April 20, 2024

Down To The Wire!

Close race overshadowed by franchise relocation.

April 17, 2024 by Bob

A very close two-team race for the championship has come down to last few games. With only two days to go, the Walking Birds hold a 16-point lead on the Dutch Ovens. The lead changed hands a couple of times in the last few weeks and only recently has it opened up a bit. It will be tough for the Ovens to come back, but not impossible, as they have 15 games remaining to the Birds’ 10 (if you leave off the bottom three on each team, it’s 12 games left to 8).

As you can see, the two contenders have had pretty even point totals for the past week, and also for the previous month, but the Walking Birds have a narrow 11-point lead this month. Points per game are practically tied.

Edit: Obviously I intended to get this out yesterday. With one day to go, the lead is 18 points, but the Dutch Ovens have 8 counting players playing today, to the Walking Birds 3 players. Can five players make up the 18-point gap? Yes, but it’s very unlikley.

As for the also-rans, there’s not much you can say about the Vegans and Albinos, who trail by almost 200 points. Surprisingly, the Aardvarks, usually a somewhat solid franchise, are 137 points back, in sixth place. They have really fallen off since owner Greg took up the hobby of trepanning. The laughable Minsk Uzbeks, the Savannah Bananas of our league, are in fifth place, and never threatened to win or to entertain. Camrose was in it for a while but faded to a 70-point deficit.

The big story down the stretch was the ongoing uncertainty surrounding the Kentville Moose. The team had a solid start, even grabbing first place at one point. But the strain of playing in a poor market in a small venue (the Hockey Hair Arena) has finally taken a toll. This franchise has moved three times in recent years, and now it can be confirmed that owner Phil Methot is moving them again, this time to Berwick, Nova Scotia. The hope is that the past failures will be forgotten and a new city will lead to a bigger fanbase. There is pressure to finally drop the “Moose” nickname that dates back to the Winnipeg Days, and get a fresh start. Methot is taking suggestions and a prize will be offered to the least offensive name.

Stay tuned for the final standings and an update on the ongoing Moose saga!

Second Waiver Draft Looms Menacingly!

Super Bowl Draft February 11 May Tell the Tale!

February 10, 2024 by Bob.

It’s an unusually close and interesting Hockey Pool this year for some of us, while a few of the bottom-feeders have already given up and moved on to focus on their Scotties Tournament of Hearts Pools. The top of the standings is quite close, so the upcoming waiver draft might be instrumental in determining the winner.

Below, the standings today. The waiver order will be based on the standings tomorrow morning, so today’s games could also be a factor in how things play out. The last column, PT, is the number of players playing today. But most of those are bums on your team.

So how did we get here? Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they get married, and then about a year later, daddy joins a hockey pool so he has yet another excuse to go and drink beer with his friends. Golfing, fantasy sports, The Rotary Club, Doctors without Borders – all blatant excuses to go Bunburying. But as long as we have this thing, let’s see how it’s going.

At the start of the season, Methot’s Moose Nose Soups had a substantial and unsustainable lead. Then they started to go into a death spiral, resulting in the controversial firing of coach H.P. “Sauce” Lovecroft. Meanwhile the Dutch Bitches took the lead for quite a while, but eventually the powerhouse Turkeys (we used to call them “Walking Birds”) caught up and now maintain a narrow lead. Surprisingly, the Mooseheads came surging back in a big way. I can’t think of another case like that where a team was awful, fired the coach, and then were great afterwards. So the Moose are now second, the Ovens third, and Mark’s Solar Bears are lurking nearby, like an eager beaver. I would say that even Bill’s Uzbeks are not out of it yet, so it’s a pity that he has thrown in the towel and refuses to make trades. The top four teams are very close for February.

Interestingly, the Moose and Ovens both have acheived their lofty positions in the standings using the seldom-used strategy of putting all their eggs in one basket. The Dutch Ovens drafted Marner, Matthews, and Nylander with their first three picks. The Moose took Canucks with four of their first six picks and had five in all (Petterson, Miller, Hughes, Kuzmenko (now traded to Calgary), and Garland). Experts scoff at this approach, but it seemed to actually work for a while.

The first Waiver draft back in November was so fascinating that no one even remembers that we did it. But Mark kept records:

First Waiver, Round 1:

Bill dropped Backstrom and picked Dobson

Greg dropped Frost and picked Hronek

Paul dropped Couture and picked Vatrano

Pat dropped Johnson and picked Rust

Mark dropped Wheeler and picked Sanheim

Bob dropped Arvidson and picked Byfield

Ro dropped Kakko and picked Compher

Phil M pick to Greg who dropped Vilardi and picked Perfetti

Round 2:

Bill – Pass

Greg – Pass

Paul dropped Zagras and picked Strome

Pat dropped Hayton and picked Schwartz

Mark dropped Barbashev and picked Bjorkstrand

Bob dropped Burakovsky and picked Coyle

Phil Ro – Pass

Phil M - Pass

So Bill, Greg, Phil R and Phil M have two picks at the February waiver the rest of us have only the one. However, Methot has since traded his second pick in the second waiver to Mark. Unbelievable, I know! An actual trade!

The trade was Evander Kane to Phil in return for Rakell and Methot’s second pick in the upcoming waiver draft. Quite a risky move for Methot, who is almost in the lead and has never previously won a trade. Moreover, he had also traded his first pick in the fall draft to Greg, so he is trying to win this thing with only one waiver pick all year! It seems unsustainable.

The trade made before the first waiver was Moose’s first pick to the Aardvarks, along with Eriksson Ek, for Filip Forsberg. Greg dropped Valardi and picked up Perfetti with the pick. Perfetti has 30 points to Valardi’s 20 (due to games missed due to injury), so Greg is up ten points there. As for the live bodies moved, Ek has 40 points and Forsberg 51, so Phil gained 11. Seems like a fair trade.

The only other trade was also at the first waiver but didn’t involve picks. Bill traded Sam Bennett and his moustache to Bob for Ralph Backstrom. Backstrom may not play again, and Bill dropped him in the waiver as he had been planning to do with Bennett. Bennett hadn’t played all year until then, but is now back and tearing it up to the tune of 23 points, tied for last on the team. So he may get dropped this time. Analysis: Meaningless.

So who is still available to pick up in this waiver draft, and should you trade your pick to me?

Picklist as of February 10, sorted by points:

And sorted by Points Per Game. Note that the Rank number of each player in column 1 is still by their points.

Maybe we can have a chat tonight during Hockey Night in Canada to hash out some trades. It’s Leafs vs. Senators and Oilers vs. Kings. Should be a David Rittich sighting!

Other Random Thoughts:

• Brady Tkachuk is a good player, and funny in that commercial, but I find it hard to take anyone seriously who is a dead ringer for Stewie Griffin’s evil brother Bertrand.
• You have to admire the Amazing Canucks, unless you hate them, which about 80% of Calgarians do. I like them. A young guy I play hockey with is a big fan, and we talked about them last year and couldn’t understand why they were so bad when they seemed to have all the ingredients of a really good team – a star centre, a scoring winger, a top defenseman, and a great goalie. Looks like the missing ingredient was the coach. Remember last year there was talk of trading a bunch of guys like JT Miller and even Demko? That would have been a huge mistake. Nice to see them pick up Lindstrom.
• Canucks have a GREAT third line – Teddy Blueger, Dakota Joshua, and Little Connor Garland. They are absolutely dominant! I always liked Garland, and although he makes a lot of money for a third-liner, he is perfect in that role. A real play-driving forward who creates a lot of chances.
• Do the Bufffalo Sabres really play out of the Tea Bag Center?
• Shout At Clouds of the Week: I watch quite a few highlights of NHL games, so I get to hear all the different broadcast crews. Wow, some of them are bad! A few are just boring or the kind of guys who refuse to acknowledge when the visiting team has scored by even raising their voices, but some just drive me crazy. The worst ones are the fawning homers who call all the home players by their first names or even nicknames. Colorado is bad for this (“It’s Cale, over to the Moose, and Nate Dog scores on the rebound!” (Not an actual quote, but you get the idea.)). The other day the Boston crew kept mispronouncing names of some of the Flames. The NHL has a name pronounciation guide with audio samples, so this is unforgivable. Besides, Weegar has been in the league for years and played in the same division as the Bruins, so how do you get his name wrong? Also the colour guy has a Boston accent. By far the worst crew is Washington’s. Boring, homers, nicknames, the works. They actually call goalie Charlie Lindgren – brace yourselves – “Chucky Sideburns”!
• And the Avalanche play in the Ball Arena?
• There was talk a while ago of making changes to the overtime rules. Three-on-three has gotten a little stale in some ways, but the biggest problem is that it’s too short. I’d like to see ten minutes, and the shootout would almost disappear. Plus teams would have to use a few different skaters. Then just do a sudden death (on even shots) shootout. (Like all right-thinking people, I don’t like the shootout.)
• Should the Oilers’ winning streak have counted as the NHL record (if they had won a couple more games) with a shootout win in there? No. (I don’t like the shootout.)

Chat tonight! Drink beer, make trades!

It’s . . . . . . .

If You Could Read My Hockey Pool, 2023-2024

. . . . time for the Hockey Pool again!!

Posted November 18, 2023

Actually it’s well past time. It’s even past Tea Time. In fact, tomorrow is the first waiver draft already! Why does one wait until the last minute, sitting around watching television (or “TV”) in your underwear and accomplishing nothing? I don’t know; one would have to ask one. Probably one is lazy and stupid, but that doesnt explain why he isn’t wearing any trousers.

Anyway, it has been over a year since I posted anything. Did we have a hockey pool last year? We did. Did someone win it? Yes. Who? Who cares!! That was last year.

My excuse for not posting is that I’ve been really busy with a fascinating new hobby I picked up during the pandemic – drinking. Have you tried it? It’s fun, but it really makes it hard to keep up with your other commitments.

The important thing is we did have our draft this year, and we already have standings and everything.

Standings as of Saturday morning, November 18, 2023 – one day before the waiver draft.

The most intesting column for waiver purposes is the last one, injuries. Some of us really need those picks, and some, like me, would be interested in trading for an extra pick.

Feast your eyes on who’s available to pick – a veritable killer’s row of great hockey players, plus Frank Vatrano.

That is just everyone down to 0.80 points per game. The list goes on and on, with each player just a little worse than the one before. The last column is last’s year’s total points, which tops out at 56 points for Reilly Smith. That is 0.7 ppg, so everyone on this list might be overachieving just a bit.

Get your list of drops in to Mark on Sunday the 19th. Note that the standings and picklist might change a bit before the draft.

Remember, if you don’t feel you need a waiver pick, I am ready to trade. Well, I’m not actually ready, but I could wing it I guess.

I will try to post some information about the last couple of years soon, plus some photos from our recent golf adventures and trophy presentations.

Trade Centre Update and Waiver Draft Trepidation!

Plus pre-emptive Methot-bashing in case the Moose win.

Saturday April 17, 2021 by Bob

Don’t be alarmed now, but there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, and the trade deadline has come and gone. Admit it, you forgot about the deadline! It’s tax day all over again!!

I intended to have a look at things last Sunday and swing a few last-minute blockbusters to guarantee my victory, but I got busy with a Zoom meeting, plus I was lazy. On Monday, I forgot my phone at home when I went to work, because I’m also stupid. So not only could I not make last-minute moves, but I wasn’t able to field the dozens of calls from all you wheeling-dealing GM’s. Luckily the Brotherspool Fax Machine was on the job, and I was able to wade through the piles of paper and verify all the trades that came in before the 1 pm deadline on Monday.

So there weren’t any trades. But we did do the the big Zoom trade meetup the previous Saturday, and actually got some things accomplished, which is rare for us. Most of the owners decided to stand Pat, except Pat, who stood Mike. (There’s a joke about two Irishmen in there somewhere I think.)

Bill and Bob (me) made four separate one-for-one trades, which I guess we could have just done as a four-for-four: Uzbeks (Bill) trade Garland, Rantanen, Kubalik, and Geuntzel to Walking Birds (Bob) for Giroux, Voracek, Kopitar, and Pavelski. At the time, Bob gained 7 points and Bill lost 2, so Bob was +9. Today, it stands Bob +11, so it hasn’t made much difference. Kubalik has sucked this month, with 3 points.

The other trade was Bill trading Suzuki to Methot’s league-leading Kentville Moose for Anders Lee, who broke his leg and is out for the season, and tragically died a few days later in hospital of a broken heart. Or am I thinking of Howie Morenz? Anyway, because his team has been disgustingly healthy up to now, Methot was going to have to drop Lee in the waiver, so it was better to trade him for a useable player, and throw in his third-round waiver pick in the deal. He doesn’t need that pick, and Bill’s team is so bad that he feels that he needs extra waiver picks. Does it make sense for Bill? Who cares? But it does help the Moose, and may cement the very first championship in the history of the franchise.

It’s a little tricky to figure out if this type of trade makes sense, and believe me, it took us a long time to convince Methot that it was a good deal and not a trick of some sort. Then he tried to claim that he only forgot his wallet ONE TIME. We had a good laugh at that. But he’s made up for it with all the pop and chips he’s bought us in recent years.

Here are the standings after the Friday games. In the last week the lead changed hands several times between the Moose, the Screaming Aardvarks, and the Walking Birds, and it looks like one of those three teams will win the beloved battered mug. The Moose are in the driver’s seat, even though they forgot their ID, which is in their wallet.

So the Moose have opened up a bit of a lead, but remember, they only have two waiver picks, whereas everyone else has three, except Bill, who has four. Will it matter? Maybe, but the Moose only have two bad players, Kahun and Puljujarvi, who, as depth scorers for the Oilers, do not score. Kapanen is coming back from injury, and Hall is now playing for Boston. So they are in good shape.

Similarly, the Aards have only 3 bad skaters to drop, and no injuries. They will also be really solid after the waiver, unless they completely screw up, which is totally a possibility. By the way, look at the three bums they will likely be dropping: Tony DeAngelo, Matt Duchene, and Jeff Skinner. Those should have been good players this year, so some bad luck there.

As for my Walking Birds, Staal and Parise will be cut like a mixed-up teenager, but I really don’t want to lose Larkin. Maybe Labanc or the day-to-day Bailey. Definitely not as strong at the bottom as the Aards or Moose. Should have traded for an extra pick.

Hey, where would I be if Panarin hadn’t missed 12 games when he was threatened by the Russian Mafia, or whatever happened there? First place, of course! If I lose, I’ll blame Putin.

The Waiver:

The waiver draft order is the reverse of the order of the standings as of tomorrow morning. It’s important to take part even if you are out of it, because it will effect or possibly affect which players us contenders draft. I will email out the draft order and current picklist tomorrow morning. I can pick for you from the picklist or from a list you send, but we are doing the draft live on Zoom at 6 pm MST. So only send a list if you won’t be on the Zoom .

For your researching pleasure, here are two versions of the picklist as of today – the first is most points, the second is points per game. (If I draft for you from a list, it is the points list.)

See you tomorrow!

A Night At The Opera Hockey Pool Quarter-pole Update and Bill-Baiting Binge

February 27, 2021

So we decided on A Night At The Opera Hockey Pool as a Name this year. Jeff loved the Marx Brothers and that movie, and he used the title for his record-review column that appeared in the Peace River Record-Gazette from about 1979-81 (I’m not at all sure about those dates – it was before recorded history (i.e. the Internet)).We will use a variety of Jeff-inspired slogans.

Due to the shortened season, there will only be one waiver draft this year, on Sunday April 18th. Each team will get to drop three terrible hockey players and pick up three brand-new slightly less terrible hockey players. The draft order is the reverse order of the standings before games are played on that date.

Here’s an early look at who is available:

Top undrafted players, February 27

JVR is killing it so far! He’s better than half your team, and three-quarters of mine. So that list is everyone down to 12 points. Most of our bottom-three players are about 5-9 points. Maybe you need to trade for another waiver pick?

Speaking of trades, there haven’t been any yet. Mark thought he had a deal with Ro a couple of weeks ago, but Ro says it was never finalized, and that they were trying to work out a two-for-two deal, which possibly would include Betty (the messages were confusing). I never did get a confirmation from Ro, so I can’t count it. They can fight it out in the trash talk, and if they do make a deal, I might have to insist on a signed and notarized napkin.

In any case the trade deadline is Monday April 12th. Note that this is about a week afore the waiver draft.

There have already been quite a few lead changes in the standings. It’s a really unusual year because players have played such uneven numbers of games due to postponements. But the top few teams are really close and it’s a good race.

Roeleveld is leading narrowly right now (it’s the only thing he has ever done narrowly) but he’s played way more games than some of the other teams. However, having games in hand is not necessarily a good thing when those games might never be played. Ya gotta make hay while the sun shines! Injuries are also going to be a big factor for some teams, as usual, as are scandals involving allegedly beating up Russian teens a decade ago.

Methot was leading the standings earlier but I astutely pointed out that he had a totally unsustainable points per game. Phil said it was sustainable, but guess what? I was right.

Speaking of the Methot, his team name has changed from the Kentville Amenaya to Kentville Moose. Phil picked up the word “Amenaya” in Spain and used it as a greeting with the locals, but it turns out to be absurdly racist. So far he has resisted changing the team logo, but boycotts and hashtag campaigns are increasing the pressure, and he will probably have to cave in on this. We know it’s costly and embarrassing, Phil, but do the right thing!

I totally forgot to bait Bill. Next time.

The Draft, 2021

January 9, 2021: The draft will go today at 3 pm via zoom. It looks like I won’t be able to enter the list live on Officepools due to our unorthodox drafting rules, so I will do a Google Sheets spreadsheet and then enter it later on Officepools. I can share the sheet with anyone who wants it after – sometimes it’s interesting to look at the original rosters since things change with waiver drafts and trades.

There are a few things to decide today:

Pat’s Team: Someone has to draft Pat’s Team. The best way is to just use your own list and take the highest available player when Pat’s turn comes up. Only one person has to do this. I could since I’m sure I have a list that no one else does, but someone else could do it too (Mark?)

Waiver Draft: Due to the short season, we probably should have just one waiver draft. We have to decide on the date and format. If we just do one it should be well before the trade deadline. How many players dropped? Do we have to earn picks with trades again? Cogitate on it.

Trade Deadline: The NHL season is planned to run from January 13 to May 8. Their trade deadline is April 12, and we usually use the same date for our trade deadline. Any obs?

Rosters: We have been doing 21 rounds with the bottom three dropped. We do have one fewer team this year so do we want to go more rounds? This will probably depend on how smoothly and quickly the draft goes. (We might decide to stop after five rounds.)

Pool Name and Slogan: We want to honour Jeff with the name. Some suggestions are:

• Jesus Christ, Jeffrey! Hockey Pool
• Come Into My Shop, Let Me Cut Your Mop Hockey Pool
• Walking, Waving, Walking, Waving Hockey Pool
• Yes I did! So What? If the Kid Wants to Go to College He Can Wait On Tables Hockey Pool
• Frankly, I Don’t Give a Damn Hockey Pool
• Play it Again, Sam Hockey Pool
• YOU’RE Telling ME It’s A Hockey Pool?
• Of All the Hockey Pools in All The Towns In All The World, She Walks Into Mine
• “Now Cut That Out, Bahby Leroy!!”
• When I Was 17, It Was A Very Good Year For a Hockey Pool
• “I Think I Had It My Mind to Sound Like a Dry Martini”
• A Night at The Opera HP

We could adapt one of these into the slogan too or use several slogans through the year. But the pool name can’t be changed once chosen.

The Draft Order: No debating this; It is last year’s standings, with Mark picking last. Second round is reversed.

1. Paul
2. Greg
3. Phil M.
4. Bob
5. Bill
6. Ro
7. Pat
8. Kyle
9. Mark

There seems to be a consensus that the top three picks will be McDavid, Draisaitl, and MacKinnon, in whatever order. So the really interesting pick is mine at #4. Since I haven’t given it any thought, it will be surprising for all of us.

Injuries/Covid: Thee are lots of day-to-day and lots of positive Covid tests. Luck will loom larger than ever this year, so hey! You have a chance! But some key injuries, etc. that will affect your lists are:

Boston: Pasternak out until at least February 1.

Chicago: Toews out until at least February 2. Dach out to at least February 27.

Dallas: Tyler Seguin to at least April 5.

Pittsburgh: Kasperi Kapanen to at least January 17.

St. Louis: Vladimir Tarasenko to at least February 2.

Tampa Bay: Kucherov out to at least May 11 (the whole regular season).

Winnipeg: Roslovic in contract dispute, unsigned and asked for trade.

Good Luck! Bill claims you will need it!

Solar Bears Triumphant!

January 9, 2021: Well, it was official a long time ago, but we can now finally concede that Mark’s Camrose Solar Bears did win the hotly-contested My Best Friend’s Girls’s Hockey Pool 2019-2020. The margin of victory was only 1 point at the time that the NHL paused the regular season for the pandemic. Before the pause, Paul’s Vegreville Vegan’s were charging hard, defying the polls, and seemed poised to take over the lead and run away with it. He claims that the pandemic cost him a victory that is rightfully his. “This is the worst thing about COVID-19,” says Casey. “Who cares about grandma?” Paul is a little bitter about the whole thing so don’t bring it up.

Here are the final official certified authorized official standings:

Although we were unable to gather for a proper trophy presentation and golf tournament due to the pandemic, Mark was presented with the trophies after a long day of helping me build a fence in 35-degree-Celsius heat in August. As the previous winner (two-time defending champion; did I ever mention that?) I was humbled and honoured and a little excited to be donning the white kid gloves to hand over the trophy.

Mark (left and middle) preparing to accept the trophy (right).

There it is!! The cup has come to C-Town!!!

Mark was also presented with the small emergency backup auxiliary trophy, which he gets to keep forever. Yes I am wearing swimming trunks! It was really hot even though it was about midnight! And yes we are plastered.

The 2021 draft will be held by a Zoom meeting at 3 pm, Saturday January 9. In about 15 minutes.

Jeff Cuell, 1960-2020

We have lost one of the Brothers. Sadly, Jeff Cuell passed away in July 2020. Jeff was a dear lifelong friend that many of us knew for over 50 years. There’s not much I want to say here except that he was one of the smartest and funniest people any of us ever knew. We all have many great memories of him. RIP

2013

2019

My Best Friend’s Girl’s Contingency Plan

March 31, 2020

So. We’ve had cancelled seasons and short seasons before, but never one that was paused indefinitely when we were almost at the end. And wouldn’t you know it, we had one of the closest races ever, with Mark’s Camrose Solar Bears and Paul’s Vegreville Vegans taking turns leading almost daily. Or so I imagine; I quit paying attention just like everyone else once I was out of it.

No one knows if or when the season will resume. We don’t know if there will be more regular-season games or not. But it would be a shame not to declare a champion after such a long, bitter, hard-fought, boring battle. It wouldn’t be fair to Paul to declare Mark the winner, and it wouldn’t be fair to Mark since Paul could have won. So I propose an elegant solution: Since the previous season’s winner was not actually defeated over a whole season, they remain the champion. Therefore I win! Threepeat!!

The standings at the Pause:

But seriously, the only fair solution is to wait and see what the NHL does. This is a regular-season hockey pool, so if more games are played, they will count. Only when the NHL declares the regular season over can we declare a champion. Even if they do some sort of weird adjusted schedule to determine the final playoff seedings, if the NHL says that is part of the regular season, so do we.

That said, I really don’t think there will be any more regular-season games. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. And if that’s the case, Mark will be the winner! By one point, but it counts! I’m just glad that it wasn’t a tie – I don’t care who wins by one point since I have no skin in the game (except for the little flap at the nape of the neck*) as long as I don’t have to decide how to break a tie.

So that’s that, for now. I could go on and on about different schemes or strategies for continuing the NHL season, but if you listen to Sports Talk radio like I do, you’ve heard every conceivable possibility floated about a thousand times. It’s like they have nothing else to talk about!

This whole pandemic thingy has probably also put the kibosh on our planned Spring Trophy Presentation/Golfing Outing/Presentation of the Coveted Green Jacket. So I propose we do like everyone else is doing, and have My Best Friend’s Girl’s Zoom Video Chat and Virtual Drinks. If you haven’t done one of these, it’s easy. Everyone just downloads the Zoom app, and one person invites everyone to join in at a particular time. Then we can all see other, and all talk at once so no one can understand what anyone is saying! I know it sounds stupid but I really enjoyed it after the fifth beer.

Why don’t we talk about it over on the Officepools Chat page and set a time. I have a couple more Zooms already scheduled this weekend, so I propose Saturday March 11. We’d have to start by about 5 pm because of the time difference in Nova Scotia. I know most of you are retired or sitting at home to stay safe, but we can’t do a weekday night because I am still working. I have been declared an essential service and a national treasure.

Looking forward to seeing some of you, and others, not so much!

*Methot, you always quote this wrong. It goes “…the engine must be our head, the dining car our esophagus, the guard’s van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon.” There is no “flap” of skin! Don’t you know how to use Google?